Friday, November 27, 2009

Meet Jane and Ryan...

Last week I talked about one sheets and although I can’t reproduce them here, I can share with you the blurb for my romantic comedy. I was going to share a snippet of Lady Bells with you, but as of this moment, I hate that story. So, here’s the blurb for Jane and Ryan's story, and a short snippet.

Potatoes or sex? Potatoes offer so many options, sex is, well, just sex.

Mad at herself for the demise of her marriage and the extra pounds she’s packed on since finding her husband in the arms of a Victoria-Secret-lingerie-clad secretary, Jane Green has had enough. The New Year and her thirty seventh birthday make a perfect excuse to take back her life. And she has a step by step plan complete with spreadsheets and timeframes.

That plan does not include one gorgeous personal trainer no matter how hard he tries to wangle his way into her life. Hanging out at her work, showing up at her apartment, recruiting fellow employees in an effort to show off his expertise will not sway her from accomplishing her goals on her own. She’s got to prove to herself and her cheating husband that she is independent and sexy, even in big girl panties and industrial strength bras.

Hmm, maybe gorgeous personal trainer will come in handy after all.

**Author’s note: This snippet is at the end of Ryan’s (personal trainer) first visit to her apartment. He’s interrupted her ‘research’ and has trashed all of her "How To…" books, except one.

He was good. Smooth, syrupy voice pulling her in to his promotional message, implying that she would soon reap the rewards of his personal tutelage. She shook her head. "I don’t want a personal trainer."

Holding up his hands in a surrendering kind of posture, he laughed softly. "Sorry, I tend to get carried away. I really love my job and am always spewing off on the benefits of lifting weights when given the opportunity." He took a step, barely noticeable, but suddenly he was again within her personal space. "I could come and check out your gym at work if you want, give you a few tips to get you started. I know you’ll see much faster results if you incorporate weights into your program."

Jane stepped backward. "The phone is in the kitchen. You should call your cab. Now."

"Right." He did as he was told leaving Jane to stand in her living room surrounded by her hoard of silent personal trainers.

"Can I use your bathroom before I head downstairs?"

"Through there." Her eyes were focused on the book he suggested reading. The lure of seeing better results dangled like a big, sugar glazed donut to her out of shape body. Could it be as easy as he said?

"See you later Jane. Thanks for letting me up and good luck with your program."

She snapped out of her trance and made it to the small entranceway just as he was opening the door.

"You still have my card?"

His smile had expanded into a full lip curl. She could tell he was struggling to control the whole thing getting away from him and actually opening his mouth. All powers of womanhood suggested that that would be a dazzling display, one that would stop hearts. His eyes crinkled with merriment. He pissed her off. "I don’t need a personal trainer."

"I know. Good night." The door shut quietly behind him.

With the damned video still clutched in her hand, she shot the dead bolt on her door, dropped the video on the kitchen counter, and killed the lights. She headed for the bathroom, closing the door and leaning over the sink. He was a seriously gorgeous man and it took her a moment to rid her mind of his image standing there in her living room looking at her. She groaned and turned to the full-length mirror to see what he had been viewing.

"Oh. My. God!" The list! She had taped it to the mirror to remind her of the things that needed to be done, to inspire her every morning when she just wanted to forget the whole thing. It was there, at eye level, for anyone using the bathroom to peruse at his leisure. All of her goals – losing weight, toning up, getting a trendy haircut – were listed including buying and wearing sexy underwear EVERYDAY. She was mortified.

Then her reflection caught her eye. She was dressed like a freak: too big T-shirt underneath a dark green grandmotherly cardigan, sweats that had no real shape with the exception of the requisite legs, and big, pink, fuzzy slippers. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail leaving her whole face open for viewing - no make-up, black circles and blotchy skin.

She pointed a finger at herself. "It’s a good thing that you will never see him again."

14 comments:

Helena said...

Janet, you've got me hooked for sure with that snippet.

The hilarious thing about your heroine's self-description -- it pretty much matches up with this grandmother on any given day at home! I have done the Weight Watchers and Curves routine (both currently on hiatus) but I have not considered a personal trainer.

Keep me posted on how Jane makes out, and I might reconsider that option.

Hope you have fun with this story.

P.S. I stopped in on JJ yesterday, and I won't tell anyone about the murder and mayhem going on there, but those two characters really do carry on to ridiculous extremes. Very funny!

Silver James said...

OMG funny! I've been there!

I love these characters and you've captured a real sense of their personalities in this snippet. I really hope this catches the attention of the publishing world. Of course, I feel the same way about Lady Bells, even if you aren't loving it so much right now.

Me? I'm hibernating for the rest of the long weekend (minus a brief foray to post brunch tomorrow) in hopes of maybe still getting close to NaNo. No twitter, no blogs, no...Well, I can't shut down the internet because I might need to research. 35K words. I can write that in four days. SURE I can...Gonna do my best.

LOLOL. My spam word: bunked. How truly fitting!

Later, chicks!

Hayley E. Lavik said...

Love the opening tag line, love the voice of the narrative. Very keen to see what you do with this story. Also rather curious whether, with a personal trainer in the mix, Jane's character arc will involve attaining that figure she's longing for, or if it will lead toward a changed outlook on the figure she has.

Hope you feel better about Lady Bells as time goes on. I'm around if you want to fire ideas around at all.

Karyn Good said...

Bring on the industrial strength bras!

Great snippet, Janet. Too Funny. Very appealing characters, especially Jane because we all have a little bit of Jane in us and we can totally relate. Ryan sounds earnest and sincere and hot and what's not to like about that.

If you want to bouce around ideas about LB, I'll be around.

Back in the day I once taped pictures of magazine models to different products inside my fridge. It didn't work :)

Heather said...

I loved it. Great image of her at the mirror.

Janet said...

Hey, Helena - I'll tell you, Jane makes out with her personal trainer very well - when she finally gives in to all he promises. Unfortunately, by then, he wants nothing to do with being her personal trainer!

Thanks for stopping in over at Janet's Journal. I still giggle when I think about your 'discussion' with Muse when I was in the middle of my move. And the whole time 'she' was writing her blogpost, I kept thinking of Hayley's suggestion that a romance may be budding between Muse and EE. They're at the "I hate you" stage :)

Janet said...

Woo Hoo, my links worked. Still have to use the cheat sheet. *sigh*

Janet said...

Thanks, Silver. I had really good feedback from Eileen Cook at Surrey - I had showed her three pages closer to the beginning of the novel.

Get. Writing. If anyone can do it, you can. I expect to hear a report on Tuesday, bright and early. Go without sleep if you have to - BUT, don't go without brunch :)

Janet said...

Thanks, Hayley. I was so proud of myself because I wrote the tagline and blurb in one sitting. I hope some of Karyn's brilliance has rubbed off on me. And Jane's character arc is very, very interesting. Stay tuned.

I might take you up on the offer. I just don't know what I'm doing any more - too close to the damn thing, I think. I might need to stop being cheap and print the thing off so I can do some physical cut and paste.

Janet said...

Too funny, Karyn. I might need to borrow that idea, I mean Jane might need to borrow that idea :)

And I really believe we all have a Jane in us - something about our body does not gel with how we imagine ourselves to be. And the Victoria-Secret-Clad-Models adorning TV screens, billboards, magazine ads and covers, do nothing to foster a confident self-esteem.

Like I said to Hayley, I might take you up on your offer. I feel like I'm going in circles.

Janet said...

Hey, Heather. I saw you over here the other day and went to check out your blog. I am in awe of quilters - and to incorporate the craft into a novel (your snippet was so colorful and descriptive) brings authenticity to it. Have you read Happenstance by Carol Shields? It's the only novel I've read where the main character was a quilter. I loved that book.

Thanks for your kind words. That full length mirror plays a major role in Jane's development - she refers to it as the nice mirror's (small, over the sink)evil twin sister, and believes it was made at the time of lead glass - the lead over the years having 'softened and dropped' which explains the hideous reflection she gets whenever she stands before it naked.

I think we all have love/hate relationships with mirrors.

Anita Mae Draper said...

Oh Janet, that's very good. Halfway through, I went back up to see what Ryan was doing in her apartment but you never said. At first, I thought she'd invited him in because she wanted a personal trainer but no, that's not how the rest read. And although I'd love you to enlighten me, I don't want you to give away too much of the story. This is really something to look forward to.

I like your voice, the tone and the characters. Great snippet. Thank you for sharing.

Janet said...

Thanks, Anita. I had a hard time choosing the snippet - I love the whole scene where Ryan shows up unexpected and Jane is taken off guard (she does not like surprises - order is her mantra). I guess I could have explained it better. Still, glad you liked it.

Jana Richards said...

Hey Janet,
Sorry to be coming in so late here. Fridays are just crazy busy.

I love this snippet. And I'm thrilled you're having so much fun with it. Eventually Lady Bells will call to you again. You're just taking a hiatus from each other right now.

Like the others have said, I think Jane is a character so many women can relate to. Her lack of confidence and self-esteem, the disappointment with her body are things many women have experienced. Even the most beautiful women find something to dislike about their appearance. So I think Jane's story is one with universal appeal.

And with your voice and humour I'm sure it's going to be a great read.

Jana