Friday, January 8, 2010

Writer's Coupons for 2010...

In this time of fiscal restraint and determined budgeting, getting the most for you hard-earned dollars is very important. And as we embark (yes, I used the word ‘embark’) on a New Year, most of us have resolved to make 2010 our year for writing. In celebration of those resolutions and to save you a buck or two as you go forth with first drafts, edits, and submissions, I offer you these Writer’s Coupons*.

We all know how difficult writing a first draft can be, twice as hard when your inner critic questions every decision, every word. Have it removed for one first-draft at this low, low price (subsequent removal fees can be negotiated depending on difficulty of task, disposition of inner critic).

It has to hook the reader; so take the opportunity to make it the best 16 lines ever. Our First Page Analysts are the best in the business – their motto "In media res"!

Everyone uses them, some over use them. Don’t let adverbs pad your word count. Let your verbs speak for themselves. Rid your manuscript of those nasty adverbs once and for all.

Don’t rely on the same old, same old. For as low as $1.99 you can be on your way to peppering your manuscript with interesting and colorful dialogue tags. Or have excessive ‘saids’ removed permanently (certain restrictions apply).

Let our highly trained experts take your writing from boring and dull to exciting and fresh. This amazing offer includes a full manuscript read, with critique, which will enliven your story and astound your readers (and agents). This coupon is not to be used with any other offer, promotion, coupon, or discount.

Historical or contemporary, facts need to be checked. Time you could be using for editing or working on a sequel. Let our experts do it for you and get the first one free.

Don’t let a hole in your plot or subplot destroy all your hard work. Our checkers meticulously scour your manuscript looking for any implausible theories. The bonus: They offer you suggestions for repairing the problem (one coupon per plot or subplot).

Everyone fears the ‘Info Dump’! Don’t let this dreaded issue come between you and the telling of your story. Call for details on interlacing the history of your characters into a finely crafted page-turner no one will want to put down.

Can’t think of a good way to say your character is ‘older than dirt’ or they have ‘the luck of the Irish’? Trade them in on a new turn of phrase, one that over time will surely become cliché. And to kill two birds with one stone, bring this coupon in and receive 100 better adjectives absolutely free.

Nothing says it better than a one to two paragraph synopsis of your 100,000 word novel. Add to that a bio paragraph when you have nothing to bio about and an opening paragraph that doesn’t sound like you’re sucking up and you have a standard query letter. Before you send it off, send it to us for a free read and critique (subsequent editions will be charged regular price).

Boiling your masterpiece down to a couple of pages is hard. With this offer you get 3 versions – a 10 page, 5 page, and 2 page. You’ll be ready for any request with a synopsis that will tempt the most hardened editor or agent. And with our trained synopsis experts, you’ll have the tools to create a fabulous synopsis for any other novels you pen. Money well spent.

Ten suggestions, all you have to do is choose your favorite (must be used with Synopsis Offer).

These are just some of the Writer’s Coupons available. Please call for information on our other New Year discounts including:

Sex Scenes Dissected

Finding Your Voice

Point of View – His, Hers, Mine, Yours

*The Prairie Chicks are not responsible for the usefulness or content of any offers presented here. We are not nor ever will be affiliated with Tongue-in-Cheek productions, sole distributors of Writer’s Coupons.

So, People of Blogland, which coupon would you most likely use right now? Do you try to remember all the rules of writing a novel? Will all the coupons come in handy this year? Which coupon did I miss? I hope whatever stage of writing you find yourself in, there’s a coupon (writer friend) who can assist, suggest, critique your work – but remember, it is your work (don’t let anyone change what feels right to you).
The formatting is going to fail me - crossing fingers, hoping for best...


Yunaleska said...

I'd use...synopsis assistance. I struggle with summaries.

Janet said...

I have a very difficult time with that, too, Yuna! Mine tend to read like a very dull play by play of the manuscript. And how do you know what parts to leave in and what parts to leave out? Very frustrating - I try to avoid them at all costs. Perhaps I should put that as one of my goals for this year - learn to write a synopsis!

Thanks for playing along, Yuna - have a great day!

Heather said...

I think I'll go with the first page analysis. These are a terrific selection.

Janet said...

Yes, make sure that first page sings, Heather! I think I've re-written my first page at least twenty times to make sure it has everything an agent's looking for, including a hook in the very last line so they want more.

Glad you enjoyed the selections - I always like to be reminded of the important items that make up a great book :)

Karyn Good said...

Well, I'd definitely go for the Title Suggestions coupon, which means I'm going with the Synopsis Offer, too. I need all the help I can get with titles and a synopsis? - It's probably time I attemtpted one!

Or maybe I should take advantage of the plotting offer?

Maybe the ...

Janet said...

Don't forget - titles can be changed on a whim by the publishing company. I'd go for the synopsis (perhaps we need to chat - set a synopsis challenge for Feb or March?). And I think, Karyn, you could do some bartering - you'd be fabulous creating taglines so they might give you an extra percentage off.

So many choices, eh?

Karyn Good said...

A synopsis challenge sounds like a great idea. Frankly, I've been avoiding the whole synopsis thing. Time to tackle it!!! So yes lets chat!

Anita Mae Draper said...

Wow, would that 'Facts Checked' ever help give me extra time.

Oh - and the free 'Query Critique' is a real bargain!

Other coupons could be for:
- 'Quirky Character Suggestions'
- Location Placename Suggestions'
- 'That Reduction' (deleting unnecesary 'that's. :)

Loved the post, Janet. What an imagination!

Anne Germaine said...

Inner Critic Removed is the one for me, especially for the bargain price of $99.99. My inner critic is really mean and frankly, not all that helpful. She can kill my writing buzz in a snap.

Hayley E. Lavik said...

Hmm, I'd have to agree with Anita. Fact checking and query critiquing would be very valuable. Heck, I'd be happy with someone to go dig me up the reference materials and then paw through them myself.

Also thing That Reduction should be given out for me. I get twitchy when I read published books with excessive thats.

Lu said...

Brilliant, Janet! Do the coupons come in rolls of 100? If so, I'll take a roll of each, please. And could you develop a company offering emergency query assistance, a la the Geek Squad? That would be great, thanks.

Have a great weekend!


Janet said...

Hey, if February works for you - I'm in. We will definitely be talking, Karyn :)

Janet said...

"That Reduction" is perfect, Anita! I'll have to add that to the list - bet we'd have lots of takers.

And isn't it amazing how much time is spent on researching and fact checking? I always wonder as I'm knee deep in articles how many people reading the novel would ever question the authenticity (I know I usually don't - it's fiction). I guess there's always one who would come back and say "Um, no."

Thanks for playing along, Anita.

Janet said...

Your inner critic needs to meet my Evil Editor (EE) - perhaps we can hook them up and they'll be so busy going out on dates and falling in love, they'll leave us alone!

What's that Muse? No, I'm not going to set EE up with anyone. Do you have a thing for him? Ah, I think you do...Muse and EE up a tree...

Oops, sorry, got carried away there. Thanks for commenting Anne - looking forward to your first post next week.

Janet said...

I don't think you really need the query coupon, Hayley - I've been to your Pitch Bootcamp, you're very good at getting to the meet of the matter. Your query will rock.

It's funny with 'that' - my grammar checker is always telling me I'm missing 'that'! Go figure! When I get that awful green line, I now know that I have to delete the whole sentence and start again.

Janet said...

Perfect, Lu - rolls of 100! Wouldn't it be nice?

Hey, are you writing your query? If you need someone to read it, I'll volunteer. I figure I've written so many now (and all for the same book, no less), I have at least something to say. I also found that sending my query to different people after tweaking helped - the first group, fantastic as they are, have read your attempt and the 'surprise' factor no longer stands. Anyway - let me know if you need a reader (can't guarantee as good a job as the 'experts').

Silver James said...

Rolls of 100? I'm thinking I need BOXES of ROLLS of THOUSANDS! for each coupon. Well...except maybe the sex scenes. I do those pretty well (or skip them altogether-lol)

Just box those puppies up and send 'em along. KTHXBAI!

Janet said...

We need to start a Writer Exchange! We're all great at some things, yet it seems everyone of us has an issue with some part of the process. We could do a trade list - you help me with my sex scenes (although, I've been told I write some hot stuff) and I could assist with say query reads? An idea anyway...

Thanks for visiting, Silver - boxes of coupons on the way via virtual mail :)

Jana Richards said...

Hi Janet,
What a great post! Put me down for a little of Synopsis assistance (oh, and throw in the Title Suggestions too. I can't even think of a working title for my current WIP). And I want a big, big box of rolls of 100 "Facts checked". So many facts, so little time!

Can I have that gift wrapped and delivered?


Janet said...

Gift wrapping costs extra - but I'll see what I can do.

I like the simple titles, myself - like Hugh and Mena, Jane and Ryan, Mac and Gillian. Anything over that and my brain gets tired. And really, everything I've read says it'll change during publication anyway.

PST - might be having a synopsis challenge in February, keep it in mind :)

Tina Russo Radcliffe said...

What a great post. I love the tickets.

Janet said...

Thanks, Tina - glad you liked it. Now, I just need to find the real coupons :)